Low Point

He's lucky I hate myself. Nights like tonight, if I had any self confidence, I'd leave.

Behind the times, as usual

Maybe someday I will be so behind I will catch something for the 1st time that is actually on it's second wind and I will be current.

And then it hit me

He dreamt that we were walking over an overpass.  He turned away from me for just a moment, and when he turned back to me it was too late.  I had been struck by a car and killed.  Fast forward.  He is home alone with Arielle.  He says the house is empty.  He says she is sad that I am gone.  He falls asleep, and I come to him in his dreams.  These are bittersweet encounters.  He is glad to see me, but knows he's only dreaming.  In these dreams I try to assure him that everything will be okay, that he is doing a good job with Evangeline.  "It's so unfair for her that you are gone", he tells me.  He wakes up, Evangeline is beside him, and I am not.  He cries.  He sleeps.  He wakes.  Days go by.  I come to him in dreams, but not every night.  Every visit is the same, and always ends in tears.

He woke up crying.  2:33 AM  11/08/10

Who's your daddy?

November 9, 2010

I dreamt that Evangeline was sick. So sick she needed blood or marrow or an organ or something.  Adam and I, and the rest of our family had all taken tests, none of us had what she needed.  The doctors told us the best candidate would be Evangeline's paternal grandfather.  Adam told the doctor that that would be impossible, that his father had died.  Adam's mother came forward, and told him that she had lied to him all these years.  She told Adam that Uncle Jimmy was his real father. Adam was so angry.  He allowed Uncle Jimmy to save Arielle, but he would not to speak to him. Uncle Jimmy saved Arielle's life, but doing so left him weakened.  Uncle Jimmy died and Adam was devastated.

Dodoba - Through the Ages

When Evangeline was 2 she carried around a large green M&M made out of tin.  She would rub it under each of her little armpits, and called this giant green candy shaped container a "dodoba".  We soon figured this was her word for deodorant.

She stopped carrying it around after a half year or so, but still picked it up from time to time and rubbed it under her little "pits", after doing so she would ask you to smell them.

By the time she was almost four she knew the word deodorant, and could point the deodorant out in the bathroom, but she was still calling the chipped, dented green tin M&M her dodoba, and still rubbing it like deodorant under her arms.

Most recently -

Evangeline (seriously): Nana, do your pits stink?

Nana: No!

Evangeline: Do you have deodorant on?

Nana: Yes!

Evangeline: Okay.  Can I lay in you pits?

Nana (pulling Evangeline in for a snuggle): I guess so.

Evangeline: My dad's pits are stink!

(Nana bursts into laughter.)

Evangeline's Dream Job

Evangeline: I'm gonna have 5 jobs when I grow up.

Me: You are?!

Evangeline (matter-of-factly): Yup. I'm gonna have a candy one, and a gummy one, and a fruity one, and snacky one, and a shave-icy one.

Adam: Sounds like she's gonna own a crack seed store.

A preference for skinny jeans.

Instead of buying her the leggings I usually buy, I bought Evangeline a few pairs of yoga pants...

Evangeline: Mom, I don't like these pants! They are so tippy!
Me: Tippy?
Evangeline: Yes, they are tippy! See, tip, tip, tip! (Evangeline pulls the wide legged cuff of her pants to and fro.) They are tippy!

1st lesson on heartache, or is that just chest pain?

Evangeline: My heart hurts.
Me: Howcome your heart hurts?
Evangeline: Because somebody bent it.