Cast of Characters in the Life of Evangeline

Lauren - the blue pony with the purple hair, she is "magical and beautiful"
Chocolate Cookie - tan bunny
Chocolate Peanut Butter Cookie - orange elephant

Riase - imaginary sister, age 4
Aunty Ku'i - Riase's mom
Uncle Tree - Riase's dad
Sour - Riase's little sister

Other notes: Riase's family lives on an island. Evan sometimes "talks" to Riase on the phone. Sometimes Evan uses Riase as her excuse, for example, "I need 2 cookies, one for Riase." Or "Riase's mom says she doesn't have to go to bed." She told me one night that Riase's mom wouldn't let her see Riase anymore. Evan was devastated - crumpled on the bed, sobbing. I told her to talk to Riase's mom, and tell her that she really loves Riase, and that she wants to spend time with her. The next morning she told me everything was going to be ok, and that she could see Riase again. Riase is a friend Evan "communicates" with, or talks about on a daily basis.

Soundtrack of my life (work in progress)

Track 1 Opening Scene
Track 2 Dreaming
Track 3 Waking Up
Track 4 Happy Friends
Track 5 Driving
Track 6 Action/Fight
Track 7 Chase
Track 8 Happy Love
Track 9 Dance
Track 10 Mellow
Track 11 Sex
Track 12 Angry/Bitter
Track 13 Break Up
Track 14 Evil/Revenge
Track 15 Contemplation
Track 16 Sad/Breakdown
Track 17 Death
Track 18 Funeral
Track 19 Nostalgia
Track 20 Credits

21 Why's

1. To send Evangeline to private school.
2. To send Evangeline to college.
3. To send Evangeline to dance lessons.
4. To send Evangeline to music lessons.
5. To finish my kitchen by April 2011.
6. To go to Disneyland in March 2011.
7. To buy a new wardrobe in 2011.
8. To restore Adam’s Jeep in 2011.
9. To buy Adam a new car in 2012.
10. To plant new grass in our yard.
11. To remodel or rebuild my house by 2016.
12. To take a cruise as a family 2018.
13. To travel as a family to Europe in 2020.
14. To buy the house next door in 2025 (or sooner if necessary).
15. To take care of my parents.
16. To take care of Adam’s mom.
17. To rebuild Adam’s house on Kauai.
18. To buy an apartment or condo as an investment.
19. To finish school.
20. To have a library.
21. To not have to struggle.

Filial Piety

The past is stronger than my will to forgive
Forgive you or myself, i don't know
-shawn colvin

I ask myself, should I forgive him? And even if I should, can I? And if I can, will I ever forgive myself for forgiving him? And if I don't forgive him, will I forgive myself for not forgiving him? And how lastly I think, how very unforgiving of me to do this to myself.

I'm a confused girl.

Thank God I have a good husband, because I have a shitty dad.

Why so serious?

Evangeline (very seriously): Look at my face Dad, does it look like I'm laughing?

Adam (while suppressing a laugh): I'm sorry Evan, it's not funny.

Evangeline (to Adam, with a scolding tone): You think it's funny when someone loses something?

Emmaline struggles to control her giggling.

Evangeline (to Emmaline): Mom, it's not nice to laugh at people.

Ahi Katsu

I just lied to my daughter. Our goldfish died this morning. Adam removed him from the tank, and I buried him. I thought I could replace him before she'd even notice. This afternoon she came to my room, "Mommy, you have to look at something; Ahi Katsu is gone". I had to think fast. "Remember in Nemo, when Nemo left the tank to find his dad?", I asked her, "I think Ahi Katsu went to find his dad."

It's bedtime now and she's asking if he's coming back. Do I get her a new fish and tell her it's Ahi Katsu? Or do I tell her he's not coming back and offer her a new fish? Or surprise her with a new fish? Or tell her the truth?

Just the other day she told Adam, "Daddy I hope you don't get dead. If you get dead I'm going to be really sad".

Recently she saw someone pick a dead bird up off the road and dump it in the trash and she was mortified. "Why didn't Uncle put the birdie back in the nest with his mommy" she asked me. I changed the subject. I know , I know, I'm a coward, but she just turned 4 a few days ago.

I'm not good with death, and I'm not ready to have this conversation with her. Despite the things she's said, I don't think she really as any concept of what death is. This is a tough one.

A lesson in kindness

Evangeline (to our cat Rufus): Rufus we don't eat lizards. That's no very friendly. You have to be kindly to them.
Evangeline (to me): Rufus can't eat the baby lizard or else his mommy is gonna be so sad that he got eaten.

Ada Madeline

In a beautiful blue lagoon on a clear day, a fine sailing ship spreads its brilliant white canvas in a fresh morning breeze sails out to the open sea.

We watch her glide away magnificently through the deep blue and gradually see her grow smaller and smaller as she nears the horizon.

Finally, where the sea and sky meet, she slips silently from sight; and someone near me says, 'There, she is gone!'

Gone where? Gone from sight, that is all.

She is still as large in mast and hull and sail, still just as able to bear her load. And we can be sure that, just as we say, 'There, she is gone!' another says, 'There, she comes!

Lunch with Zelda

I took a trip  with Zelda just before she died in 2005.  She had fond memories of her time in Ventura, California, and wanted to give me a tour of her old haunts.

She was a terrific cook, and loved fine food.  We shared some amazing meals along the California coast.  These delicious experiences were the highlight of our trip...


Suzanne's Cuisine
502 W Ojai Ave
Ojai, CA 93023

I had a Grilled Cheese Sandwich made with Asiago, Danish Emmenthal, Smoked Mozzarella, Tomato and Onion on Sourdough Brea.  I think I had a bowl of Tomato Soup as well, but the the Sandwich really stole the show.

Nona's Courtyard Cafe
67 South California Street
Ventura, CA 93001-2801

I had Gnocchi with Garlic, Olive Oil, and White Wine Sauce (like an alfredo sauce).  The food was good, but in that case it was the setting that made that experience memorable.  What a beautiful garden!

 

















Chase Restaurant & Lounge
1012 State St
Santa Barbara, CA 93101

Warm bread is served before the meal, and comes with butter, of course, and a dish of fresh shaved parmesan that you can sprinkle (or heap!) on the warm bread.  I had the Lasagna, and Zelda had the Fish Picatta.  Both dishes were excellent, but her Picatta was divine.

Zelda was was well spoken, and well read.  She was a graduate of UC Santa Barbara, and had a degree in English Literature.  She loved books and had a collection of signed first editions by Sue Grafton.

Zelda also loved to quilt.  My favorite was a patchwork done with 1 inch squares - it was incredible!  Her next quiliting project was to be made of old Jam's World shirts and dresses which she and I had collected from thrift shops.

Zelda collected 1/12th scale museum quality dollhouse miniatures.  She'd made a number of room boxes including a library, a screened in porch from a country home, a room with a Southwestern theme, and another room with a Christmas theme.

I remember she also collected Waterford Crystal and Le Crueset Cookware. 

Zelda loved cats, and had been a good mother to her cat Simone.  Before she died she made arrangements in her will for the care of her cat.  Sadly, when Zelda died her wishes were ignored and Simone was put to sleep. 

Zelda's vast collection of museum quality miniatures, along with a trunk full of quilts she'd sewn by hand were shipped off to a sister she never spoke to.  The rest of her possessions, including her fine crystal and cookware were sold off at a garage sale put together by the ex-husband she despised.

Zelda drank a bottle of vodka every day, and chain smoked cigarettes.  She had also been diagnosed with hepatitis, and desperately needed a new liver.  She was ineligible for a transplant due to her alcohol abuse.

Her ashes were scattered at Kailua beach where she had occasionally attended AA meetings.