Damn cat

Evangeline: Stop irritating me! You're driving me nuts. Ugh! Rufus is making me crazy!

Age 3, 12/25/2010

Faking it

My dad has another girlfriend and I can't stand her. I tried to like her, but I just can't... She's disgusting - kissing and hanging all over him, slapping his ass, and making sexual comments. She even tried to tell me about their sex life! Ick! She's insincere - calling me baby, telling me how beautiful I am, and insisting that she loves me. She's an ex-con, and I know, I know, he's an ex-con too, but it's different - she is a mother. She drugged out, and got into all kinds of trouble and left her kids with no one. Did I mention all 4 kids are from 4 different fathers?

Like I said, I've tried to be nice, but this bitch has pushed me to my breaking point.

Check out our last interaction -

Me: Tell Shana I said Merry Christmas.
Dad: Here you tell her. (As he passes Shana the phone)
Me: Hi Shana! Merry Christmas!
Shana: Uh, Merry Christmas to you too.
Me: What are you guys up to tonight? Are you doing anything fun?
Shana: Are you drinking?
Me: No! Why?
Shana: You just sound happier than you usually do?
Me: Hmmm, maybe I'm just faking it better than I usually do.

for malia, for betsy

December 31, 2009

As Malia prepares to leave heaven and join us here on earth she is met by her grandfather, Herminio Bautista. Malia and her grandfather greet each other warmly, and are surprised to see one another, as they did not expect to meet so soon. Grandpa Bautista explains to baby Malia that though his time on earth has finished, and they will not meet again when she arrives on earth. They are delighted that they have been blessed with this precious time to spend together in heaven.

Fast forward to the beginning of March...

Just before Malia will depart from heaven, Grandpa will place in her hands a glowing golden orb. "What is this Grandpa?", Malia will ask. Grandpa will reply, "It is the greatest gift I could give you. Hold it tight in your tiny hands, and as you descend to earth it will transcend your flesh, and dissolve into your soul. I am giving you the gift of everything that was good in me - my devotion, my integrity, my strength, and my courage. The orb will disappear, but the light that it emits will shine forever in your eyes, and when your mommy gazes into them she will feel my love". Malia and grandpa will hug each other tightly one last time, they will whisper their good byes.

This is where Malia's journey on earth begins, but as you can see, her birth was not the beginning of her story.

Cookie knows what's up...

If given a penny for every kind act, you'd be a millionaire.

-Fortune Cookie, Panda Express, 2005

Goodnight Thunder

Thunder makes me sleepy and laugh and sparkle and sprinkles.

Cast of Characters starring in the Life of Evangeline

Imaginary sister named Koma.
Imaginary brother named Em.

Plush dolly in a pink dress called Molly.
Plush Hello Kitty called Mary.
Plush Hello Kitty with a mermaid tail called Eela.
Tiny bean bag rotweiller called Hani.
White plush lamb called Kimni Lam.

Assorted imaginary cousins (unnamed).

Not a chance

December 6, 2010

It's Christmastime, and I've dragged Evangeline on countless shopping excursions with me this season.  She's been a good sport, exhibiting patience and restraint.  Everywhere we've gone she wants something - Hello Kitty this, lip gloss that, or some other pink something or other.  Each time she asks for something I've explained that we have to wait to see what Santa will bring.  She is clearly disappointed, but thankfully she doesn't usually continue push.

We were at our last stop this past weekend.  It was already late in the afternoon, and I could see Evan was worn out.  As we entered the store she didn't perk up, as she usually does.  We passed the purses, and she didn't even reach for one.  We trudged forward., and just as we passed the bathing suits she stopped hard, and doubled back.  I spun around and saw her staring at the bathing suits.

"Mommy, can I have this one," she asked nicely.

"I'm sorry Evan, I've already told you...  Santa is coming soon.  Maybe Santa will bring you a bathing suit."

"But Mom!  Pleeeease!"

"No Evan.  Not today!"

I walked away from the bathing suits.  Evan followed me reluctantly.

"I'm sorry babe, I know you're tired, " I tried to soothe her.  "Hold Mommy's hand, " I said, as I reached for her.

"Not a chance," she spat, and folded her arms.

Good God, if she is like this at 3, what will she be like at 16?

Low Point

He's lucky I hate myself. Nights like tonight, if I had any self confidence, I'd leave.

Behind the times, as usual

Maybe someday I will be so behind I will catch something for the 1st time that is actually on it's second wind and I will be current.

And then it hit me

He dreamt that we were walking over an overpass.  He turned away from me for just a moment, and when he turned back to me it was too late.  I had been struck by a car and killed.  Fast forward.  He is home alone with Arielle.  He says the house is empty.  He says she is sad that I am gone.  He falls asleep, and I come to him in his dreams.  These are bittersweet encounters.  He is glad to see me, but knows he's only dreaming.  In these dreams I try to assure him that everything will be okay, that he is doing a good job with Evangeline.  "It's so unfair for her that you are gone", he tells me.  He wakes up, Evangeline is beside him, and I am not.  He cries.  He sleeps.  He wakes.  Days go by.  I come to him in dreams, but not every night.  Every visit is the same, and always ends in tears.

He woke up crying.  2:33 AM  11/08/10

Who's your daddy?

November 9, 2010

I dreamt that Evangeline was sick. So sick she needed blood or marrow or an organ or something.  Adam and I, and the rest of our family had all taken tests, none of us had what she needed.  The doctors told us the best candidate would be Evangeline's paternal grandfather.  Adam told the doctor that that would be impossible, that his father had died.  Adam's mother came forward, and told him that she had lied to him all these years.  She told Adam that Uncle Jimmy was his real father. Adam was so angry.  He allowed Uncle Jimmy to save Arielle, but he would not to speak to him. Uncle Jimmy saved Arielle's life, but doing so left him weakened.  Uncle Jimmy died and Adam was devastated.

Dodoba - Through the Ages

When Evangeline was 2 she carried around a large green M&M made out of tin.  She would rub it under each of her little armpits, and called this giant green candy shaped container a "dodoba".  We soon figured this was her word for deodorant.

She stopped carrying it around after a half year or so, but still picked it up from time to time and rubbed it under her little "pits", after doing so she would ask you to smell them.

By the time she was almost four she knew the word deodorant, and could point the deodorant out in the bathroom, but she was still calling the chipped, dented green tin M&M her dodoba, and still rubbing it like deodorant under her arms.

Most recently -

Evangeline (seriously): Nana, do your pits stink?

Nana: No!

Evangeline: Do you have deodorant on?

Nana: Yes!

Evangeline: Okay.  Can I lay in you pits?

Nana (pulling Evangeline in for a snuggle): I guess so.

Evangeline: My dad's pits are stink!

(Nana bursts into laughter.)

Evangeline's Dream Job

Evangeline: I'm gonna have 5 jobs when I grow up.

Me: You are?!

Evangeline (matter-of-factly): Yup. I'm gonna have a candy one, and a gummy one, and a fruity one, and snacky one, and a shave-icy one.

Adam: Sounds like she's gonna own a crack seed store.

A preference for skinny jeans.

Instead of buying her the leggings I usually buy, I bought Evangeline a few pairs of yoga pants...

Evangeline: Mom, I don't like these pants! They are so tippy!
Me: Tippy?
Evangeline: Yes, they are tippy! See, tip, tip, tip! (Evangeline pulls the wide legged cuff of her pants to and fro.) They are tippy!

1st lesson on heartache, or is that just chest pain?

Evangeline: My heart hurts.
Me: Howcome your heart hurts?
Evangeline: Because somebody bent it.

Addicted.

Make-Up Wishlist
MAC Eyeshadow - Malt
MAC Eyeshadow - Symmetry
MAC Eyeshadow - Black Tied
MAC Eyeshadow - Tempting
MAC Eyeshadow - Beauty Marked
MAC Eyeshadow - Naked Lunch
MAC Eyeshadow - Brulee
MAC Eyeshadow - Honey Lust
MAC Eyeshadow - Shroom
MAC Eyeshadow - Satin Taupe
MAC Powder Shadow - Gana
MAC Pigment - Fairylight
MAC Pigment - Dark Soul
MAC Pigment - Reflects Gold
MAC Pigment - Reflects Antique Gold
MAC Fluidline - Blacktrack
MAC Glitter - Reflects Gold
MAC Lipglass - Fine China
MAC Lipglass - Oh Baby!
MAC Cream Color Base - Luna
MAC Paint Pot - Soft Ochre
MAC Paint Pot - Bare Study
NARS - Orgasm and Laguna
Urban Decay - The Nakeds Pallette - GOT IT!
Urban Decay Stardust Eye Shadow - Space Cowboy
Lorac - TANtalizer Baked Bronzer
Bobbi Brown - Apricot Shimmer Brick Compact

Delete.

I hate the word "super", and I'm going to make a conscious effort not to say it.

Recently I heard someone use it a few too many times in a conversation, well truthfully it was an argument, and she sounded so stupid. I listened to her go on and on, and suddenly I saw her for exactly what she was, a ditz, a "valley girl" so to speak, a lower-middle class nobody. "I am SUPER mad at you." "I think you are SUPER rude." "I am so SUPER pissed right now." (As if the "super" wasn't emphatic enough, she had to add the "so".) Couldn't she think of another word? She could have used any number of other words in place of super, or even omitted it entirely and still have gotten her point across.

It became clear to me that in her life had she shown more interest in intellectual development, and personal accomplishment, and put less emphasis on personal appearance, and social status she might have gotten more out of the private school education that her dad had practically sold his soul to pay for.

A Punahou education wasted, and a perfectly good word ruined.

What IS the point?

I was scolding Evangeline in the car the other day, Adam chimed in to add in his two cents, and Evan cut him off before he could even finish, "HeLLO-OH?! That's not the point dad!" I told her she could not talk to her dad that way, but I should have been more stern with her. I could barely keep a straight face though, I mean, where does she pick this stuff up? She's only 3! I can't even remember what I was lecturing her about to start with. My God, what will she be like when she's 15? Sassy girl!

The Story of Adam and Eve, as told by a 3 year old

Evangeline: Mom, you know God?
Me: (That's loaded I thought, but I knew where she was headed. I knew she was setting me up to tell me something about God, not asking if I had a relationship with Him) Yeah, what about Him?
Evangeline: You know Adam and Eve?
Me: Uh huh.
Evangeline: Adam and Eve didn't listen to God. God told them not to eat the fruit, and Eve ate the apple. God was mad at them. Eve was crying. They were so busted, yeah mom? They had to go on a long time out.

Folks I know

A lady called Impetuous - hotheaded: characterized by undue haste and lack of thought or deliberation

A boy named Supercilious - disdainful: having or showing arrogant superiority to and disdain of those one views as unworthy

I haven't lost mine...

In-teg-ri-ty
-noun
1. adherence to moral and ethical principles; soundness of moral character; honesty.

I have found some of the best reasons I ever had for remaining at the bottom simply by looking at the men at the top. ~Frank Moore Colby

The Skinny

25 lbs between 10/01/10 and 12/31/2010 (13 weeks)
25 lbs between 01/10/11 and 04/18/2011 (15 weeks)

I will spend $1000 on new clothes if I reach my goal by my 29th birthday

Interested in your George Foreman Grill

I was interested in a few items I recently saw posted on craigslist, so I sent the following email:

Aloha,

I might be interested in your George Foreman grill. Do you know the model? How much are you asking for it?

I do hope you'll post pictures of some of your other items as well... Particularly your furniture and your Tiffany jewelry. :)

Good luck and happy selling!

Thanks,

From alisa_in_hawaii@yahoo.com I received such a rude response:

nope not showing pics.

this is a moving sale, like a garage sale.

first come first serve

this is not a store, you come look around and if you don't like anything you move on to the next garage/moving sale.

I am selling hundreds of items, post pics of what.........lol.

If I was to email pics back and forth I would not have time to go to work.

like the ad stated, interested email me your telephone number

mahalo

alisa

To which I replied:

I was simply showing interest in the specific items you mentioned in your ad. I know what a moving sale is, I know what a garage sale is. I know you're not a store, and I know it's first come first served. It was unnecessary of you to "lol" at my request for pictures. Pictures of what, you asked? Furniture and Tiffany jewelry I said. But nevermind. Please don't email me again. I have already marked you as SPAM. Good luck on your sale. Hope you're moving away from Hawaii, back to New York or wherever you came from.

Her response, which she titled "LMAO, stupid":

you are as ignorant as possible.

what do you want pics of your brain

I couldn't resist. I had to send her this:

You think I am ignorant? You don't even know how to use capital letters, punctuation, or structure a sentence. Do I "want pics of my brain"? Was that the best you could come up with? I've seen the picture you posted of yourself. You look like a bored, angry, old woman. Certainly too old to be using "LMAO". Do you think that's cute, or something? Old ladies that try too hard to act and appear young are not cute. They are lame. You're an ugly person inside and out. You're spoiling my Hawaii. Sell your junk and LEAVE! I was nice in my initial email, I don't know why you found it necessary to be so rude in your response. At this point I find your ignorance amusing. You're feeble attempts at wit will make great fodder for my blog. Please, keep 'em coming!

I should have left that last bit out. Now she won't want to play with me. And I was having such fun. I imagine this is what Adam feels like when he plays his video game.

Uncle Andrew, May You Rest In Peace

We pulled into the funeral home parking lot. Evangeline began to cry softly. "Papa is very sad", she said. "Today is a sad day", I told her. We got out of the car, and she kissed my dad hello. My dad stayed behind to finish his cigarette, while Evan and I approached the front entrance. "Everyone will cry today", she told me. We sat at the back of the room, I didn't want Evan to see the body. She asked me why we were there. I told her we came to pray. My dad came in quietly. He didn't look at us. He walked to the casket. The rest of the family hadn't arrived. My dad stood alone with his uncle's coffin. He turned to us, his eyes red, his face wet with tears. He wiped his face. He walked to the first row of chairs, and sat down. "Is this Papa's test", Evan asked me in a whisper. "Test?", I asked her. She repeated her question, "Is this Papa's test"? I shrugged. I had no idea what she meant, no idea what she was asking me. She looked across the room at my dad. "Today is Papa's bad dream", she told me. Family and friends arrived and began to file in. The room filled quickly. "It's so cold in here Mommy", Evan told me. It had to be over 85 degrees outside, and with the doors left open the funeral parlor was warm. I wrapped my arm tightly around her shoulders. "I'll keep you warm", I promised. The service was nice. People stood to say kind words about the deceased. My dad cried off and on throughout. Evan patted his shoulder lovingly in an effort to comfort him. At times she rested her hand on his arm. "Mommy, we are going to need lots of Hello Kitty after this", she said seriously.

I'm so Blue

Instructions for me, according to a handy little book called The Color Code, by Taylor Hartman -

1. Think rationally rather than relationally when pressured. Emotionalism can create chaos and unnecessary distress.

2. Clearly state your limits when others impose deadlines on you.

3. Settle for less. Perfectionism often narrows your focus, causing you to ignore other important aspects of your life.

4. Don’t set unrealistic expectations for yourself or others to the extent that everyone feels overwhelmed. Simply see goals as road markers rather than criteria for success.

5. Don’t personalize your interactions with other people. You may suffer from feeling let down by others or from quitting because you let others down. Concentrate on the task at hand rather than becoming emotionally discouraged or critical.

6. See time management as a compromise rather than “all or nothing.” If you fail to meet a deadline, learn to punt. It will free you to be more creative and less critical.

7. Realize there are limits to what you can control. You cannot control other people.

8. Set a ten minute time limit to worry about any topic in the day. When your time is up, so is your worrying. Get on with living in the present moment and doing what you can do rather than focusing on what is out of your control.

In other words - “Leave me alone, I’m having a crisis.”

My own flesh

Saturday, June 25, 2010

I had the strangest dream last night. The dream seemed to span the course of a day. We were at Jeff and Amber's house doing many things but nothing in particular. We played in the pool, we spent time with the baby, I ordered cosmetics from Amber, and I helped her mom make dinner. We were preparing to celebrate the one month anniversary of Mahina's birth. Night was approaching, we were sitting on their living room floor, Adam was having a beer. Something knocked the beer over. I say "something" because no one touched it, no one was touching the little table that it sat upon. Something bumped into me, bumped into Adam, bumped into Evangeline. We were speechless, shocked. I was bumped again, this time harder. Adam too. Evangeline was struck hard, knocked flat to the floor from her seated position. We were standing now, Adam grabbed Evangeline and pushed her to me. She clung to me and I held her tight. Something was pulling her away from me. I could see her hair being yanked. I pulled her to me with my left arm, and with my right hand I grabbed at what I couldn't see. I lunged forward intending to smash into it with my head and rip into it wit my teeth. I cried out and woke up. My own hand was in my mouth, my teeth digging into my own flesh.

Better now.

So off he went on his business trip. I cried as I dropped him at the curb at the airport, not because he'd be gone a terribly long time, but because we were parting with so many matters left unsettled.

The obstacles that had to be overcome in order to communicate while we were apart were many - the 16 hour flight, no international cell phone service, and an 18 hour time difference, just to name a few. These obstacles were of course stacked upon our other obvious recent communication issues made up mostly of angry words, hurtful tones, and hidden feelings. So days went by before I even heard from him. And when he finally called I let him spend precious moments with Evangeline.

But Absence did what absence allegedly does best. I missed him (but then again, I missed him before he was gone). In the last of our phone conversations he said he loved me and sounded like he meant it. He even said he missed me too.

I picked him up in the same place I'd left him. He smiled broadly as the car pulled up along the curb. He kissed me lovingly as he got in. He rested his hand on my thigh as we drove for a while in silence.

"Everything's going to be okay baby", he said finally.

And just like that he set my mind at ease. All I wanted was for him to say he'd try. I don't expect perfection, but I do hope every day for our constant growth. Together.

Lonely.

I haven't felt like this in a long time. He's right here beside me, yet I still feel all alone. He's leaving next Sunday for a week. This morning I joked that he might like being away from us so much that he won't want to come back. No nagging wife, no whining kid. He said very seriously, "Nah, I wouldn't want to live in the Philippines." I wish he'd said that he wouldn't leave us, that he couldn't live without us. I think that's what I'm yearning for... I want him to want me.

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Marketing Strategy

Gay Guy #1: I think we should have a shirtless man outside our door like they do at Abercrombie.

Me: I don't like the way it smells in there. Smells like a teenage boy.

Gay Guy #2: Oh I love teenage boys! Maybe that's why I spend so much money in there.

Me: I've never seen you wear Abercrombie.

Gay Guy #2: I don't. Not my style.

Me: Wait, then why are spending your money in there?

Gay Guy #1: See I told you we need a shirtless man outside our door.

Motherhood 101

Evangeline climbs onto my bed and crawls into my lap. She wraps her arms around my neck and says, "You are the best mom. I'm going to be just like you when I grow up". My heart swells. "You are?! Oh honey, that's so sweet. Thank you", I tell her. She looks up at my face and smiles, "Yup, I'm gonna grow taller, and have boobs, and I'm gonna scold everybody!" "Do I scold everybody", I ask her. "Yup," she says, "that's what mom's do".

You heard it hear folks, that's all there is to being a mother - tall, boobs, and scold everyone.

Sheesh.

You by Airto

(Background: My 3 year old daughter Evangeline has an iPod Touch. I loaded it with kid stuff - Sesame Street videos, songs from Annie, etc. Somehow some of my music and videos transferred over as well. It was the entire set of OneEskimo videos, and an Airto video specifically. Thankfully both OneEskimo and Airto are kid friendly. In fact, the OneEskimo videos are animated, though the premise of the series is quite tragic. Airto is a soul singer from the Netherlands made popular by YouTube.)

Evangeline is sitting on the couch poking at the screen of her pink bedazzled iTouch.

"Do you want to listen to Elmo, or the Eskimo, or my uncle?", she asks. She gives me no opportunity to respond. "Listen to my uncle.", she says, "Isn't he amazing?"



I love this song. Apparently Evan does too. Though I don't know where she got the "uncle" part from.

Where is Popo?

Saturday, May 29, 2010

We spent the evening at GG's mom's house. We arrived late, at 7:30, or so. Evangeline sat on Nana's lap for most of the time that we were there. She ate popcorn and drank cranberry juice. Adam fumbled punchlines, and drank too many beers. I enjoyed the fresh laulau's, and talked story with my mom (Nana). It was an pleasant, if not uneventful night. It was well after 10 when we got ready to leave. Nana carried Evangeline to the car. I slid behind the steering wheel. Adam buckled himself in to the passenger seat. As Nana strapped Evan into her carseat Evan asked, "Where's Popo"? "Who's Popo", Nana asked. Evan shrugged. My daughter and her made up words, and her imaginary friends. I thought nothing of it. We said our goodbyes and made our way home.

Mom called the the next morning to ask if we knew anyone called Popo. We do not. Mom says GG's gramma was called Popo and that her home once stood in the empty spot where we had been parked the night before. Maybe it was coincidence, but it was peculiar that Evangeline would say that name, at that moment, in that spot.

It's a boy

Saturday, May 29, 2010

(As we pull into the Kmart parking lot)

Evangeline: Mommy what are we doing here?

Me: I just need to look at the bathroom rugs. They're on sale.

Evangeline: Are we going to buy clothes for the baby?

Me: We don't have a baby.

Evangeline: You have a baby in your tummy.

Me: No I don't.

Evangeline: Yes you do. It's a boy.

Earlier that week Evan woke up early. She asked me where the boy baby was. Her exact words, "Where is your boy baby". I thought nothing of it. She must have had a dream...


Sunday, June 6, 2010

I am 9 days late.

Oh baby

I think about adoption all the time. What right did I have to bring a baby into this world when there are so many already here that nobody wants. Can you imagine that? Babies that nobody cares for. Babies that nobody loves. Perfectly good babies.

It's probably unfair for me to voice an opinion on this, but I think having "one of your own" is overrated. That's easy for me to say since I already have Evangeline.

Despite my guilt for not adopting I know we'll have another one. Adam longs for a boy. A son to carry on his name, his bloodline.

I am impressed by her determination to procreate. I say a little prayer for her every time I think about her struggle to get pregnant.

Said the mother said.

I hate writing dialogue. Probably because I'm no good at it.

Said the mother said.

I caught my daughter pretending to read to herself the other day. She is 3, she can't really read. It was Madeline by Ludwig Bemelmans. Great choice. Anyhow I hear her making up the dialogue and then say, "Said the mother said". I guess she couldn't decide if it was "said the mother" or "the mother said" so she mashed them together.

Can I do that?

Sixth sense?

The wind blew gently and the door moved slightly. Evangeline looked up. "We're eating dinner, please go now", she said to the empty doorway. Adam and I exchanged glances, and continued with our dinner. Minutes passed. Evan looked up again,"I said, please go we're eating our dinner". "Evan, who are you talking to?", I asked her. "The little girl, "she replied. My eyes widened. I looked desperately to Adam. "What little girl Evangeline", he asked her. "The little girl that comes to play with me." I was terrified.

Fast forward three nights. "Daddy," Evan asked, "Why is that lady calling me?" "What lady?", he inquired. "The lady over there", Evan said as she pointed to nothing. "What does she say, " Adam asked. "She said not to listen to my mommy and daddy." Adam's face showed concern. "Don't listen to her honey", he told her. "Whatever you are, you stay away from my baby," my dad said out loud, "This is Jesus' house".

And the last straw. I was making dinner the other night at the neighbor's house. I ran out of garlic. "Evan, " I called, "Mommy has to to run home and get something. Let's go. We'll be really fast." She met me at the door and followed me back through the gate to our house skipping and prancing. She stopped abruptly fifteen feet or so from the front door. "I'm not going with you mommy", Evan said, her smile had vanished. "I'm not going with you, there is a man in my house". I picked her up and whisked her inside. I was trying to make dinner. I didn't have time for games. She was whimpering and her body was shaking. Chicken skin as I entered the house. I carried her through every room, showed her there was no one there. As soon as I put her down she ran from the house. I followed after her. I didn't ask her what was wrong. Maybe I didn't want to know. She didn't mention it again. We returned home hours later. Just as I was about to turn the knob on the door she said, "We can go home now mommy, the man is gone". Chicken skin all over again. I called Kalehua the next day.

Just a thought

I want to quit my job and be a farmer.

I'm new in town

I was never able to keep a diary, as I knew the point was to open up about my innermost thoughts. I couldn't be honest, even with myself. So fearful that someone else would read what I've written. Fearful of what was in my own head. Dreams, desires, how dare I?

So what makes me think this is for me? This blogging...

The Many Times

favorite song of the day: the many times by esthero feat. miguel

I sing to myself
Center myself
Get into myself
Over and over again
Sweet melodies on repeat
I tend to myself if need be

When I feel lonely
The many, the many, the many
Times I feel lonely

Imagine myself
Imagine your help
Imagine the movement of you
Over and over again
Sweet melodies on repeat
I tend to myself if need be

I can't help it it's just the thought of you
In my arms and in my bedroom
I can't help it it's just the thought of you
Come, come to me right now

You're making me melt
Like I've never felt
I'm kind of compelled yes
Over and over again
Sweet harmonies are just what I need to complete this song
It's been so long

It's good to know I'm not the only one that knows what I like

I love this song and I've listened to it a million times over and over again. I never tire of it. I know all the words, I sing along. But I've only realized just now that the song is as sad as it is hot. It's obviously about self pleasure (I tend to myself, if need be), but it's also about neglect (the many, the many, the many times I feel lonely). Or maybe it's just me, I can't help it it's just the thought of you.