Damn cat

Evangeline: Stop irritating me! You're driving me nuts. Ugh! Rufus is making me crazy!

Age 3, 12/25/2010

Faking it

My dad has another girlfriend and I can't stand her. I tried to like her, but I just can't... She's disgusting - kissing and hanging all over him, slapping his ass, and making sexual comments. She even tried to tell me about their sex life! Ick! She's insincere - calling me baby, telling me how beautiful I am, and insisting that she loves me. She's an ex-con, and I know, I know, he's an ex-con too, but it's different - she is a mother. She drugged out, and got into all kinds of trouble and left her kids with no one. Did I mention all 4 kids are from 4 different fathers?

Like I said, I've tried to be nice, but this bitch has pushed me to my breaking point.

Check out our last interaction -

Me: Tell Shana I said Merry Christmas.
Dad: Here you tell her. (As he passes Shana the phone)
Me: Hi Shana! Merry Christmas!
Shana: Uh, Merry Christmas to you too.
Me: What are you guys up to tonight? Are you doing anything fun?
Shana: Are you drinking?
Me: No! Why?
Shana: You just sound happier than you usually do?
Me: Hmmm, maybe I'm just faking it better than I usually do.

for malia, for betsy

December 31, 2009

As Malia prepares to leave heaven and join us here on earth she is met by her grandfather, Herminio Bautista. Malia and her grandfather greet each other warmly, and are surprised to see one another, as they did not expect to meet so soon. Grandpa Bautista explains to baby Malia that though his time on earth has finished, and they will not meet again when she arrives on earth. They are delighted that they have been blessed with this precious time to spend together in heaven.

Fast forward to the beginning of March...

Just before Malia will depart from heaven, Grandpa will place in her hands a glowing golden orb. "What is this Grandpa?", Malia will ask. Grandpa will reply, "It is the greatest gift I could give you. Hold it tight in your tiny hands, and as you descend to earth it will transcend your flesh, and dissolve into your soul. I am giving you the gift of everything that was good in me - my devotion, my integrity, my strength, and my courage. The orb will disappear, but the light that it emits will shine forever in your eyes, and when your mommy gazes into them she will feel my love". Malia and grandpa will hug each other tightly one last time, they will whisper their good byes.

This is where Malia's journey on earth begins, but as you can see, her birth was not the beginning of her story.

Cookie knows what's up...

If given a penny for every kind act, you'd be a millionaire.

-Fortune Cookie, Panda Express, 2005

Goodnight Thunder

Thunder makes me sleepy and laugh and sparkle and sprinkles.

Cast of Characters starring in the Life of Evangeline

Imaginary sister named Koma.
Imaginary brother named Em.

Plush dolly in a pink dress called Molly.
Plush Hello Kitty called Mary.
Plush Hello Kitty with a mermaid tail called Eela.
Tiny bean bag rotweiller called Hani.
White plush lamb called Kimni Lam.

Assorted imaginary cousins (unnamed).

Not a chance

December 6, 2010

It's Christmastime, and I've dragged Evangeline on countless shopping excursions with me this season.  She's been a good sport, exhibiting patience and restraint.  Everywhere we've gone she wants something - Hello Kitty this, lip gloss that, or some other pink something or other.  Each time she asks for something I've explained that we have to wait to see what Santa will bring.  She is clearly disappointed, but thankfully she doesn't usually continue push.

We were at our last stop this past weekend.  It was already late in the afternoon, and I could see Evan was worn out.  As we entered the store she didn't perk up, as she usually does.  We passed the purses, and she didn't even reach for one.  We trudged forward., and just as we passed the bathing suits she stopped hard, and doubled back.  I spun around and saw her staring at the bathing suits.

"Mommy, can I have this one," she asked nicely.

"I'm sorry Evan, I've already told you...  Santa is coming soon.  Maybe Santa will bring you a bathing suit."

"But Mom!  Pleeeease!"

"No Evan.  Not today!"

I walked away from the bathing suits.  Evan followed me reluctantly.

"I'm sorry babe, I know you're tired, " I tried to soothe her.  "Hold Mommy's hand, " I said, as I reached for her.

"Not a chance," she spat, and folded her arms.

Good God, if she is like this at 3, what will she be like at 16?

Low Point

He's lucky I hate myself. Nights like tonight, if I had any self confidence, I'd leave.

Behind the times, as usual

Maybe someday I will be so behind I will catch something for the 1st time that is actually on it's second wind and I will be current.

And then it hit me

He dreamt that we were walking over an overpass.  He turned away from me for just a moment, and when he turned back to me it was too late.  I had been struck by a car and killed.  Fast forward.  He is home alone with Arielle.  He says the house is empty.  He says she is sad that I am gone.  He falls asleep, and I come to him in his dreams.  These are bittersweet encounters.  He is glad to see me, but knows he's only dreaming.  In these dreams I try to assure him that everything will be okay, that he is doing a good job with Evangeline.  "It's so unfair for her that you are gone", he tells me.  He wakes up, Evangeline is beside him, and I am not.  He cries.  He sleeps.  He wakes.  Days go by.  I come to him in dreams, but not every night.  Every visit is the same, and always ends in tears.

He woke up crying.  2:33 AM  11/08/10

Who's your daddy?

November 9, 2010

I dreamt that Evangeline was sick. So sick she needed blood or marrow or an organ or something.  Adam and I, and the rest of our family had all taken tests, none of us had what she needed.  The doctors told us the best candidate would be Evangeline's paternal grandfather.  Adam told the doctor that that would be impossible, that his father had died.  Adam's mother came forward, and told him that she had lied to him all these years.  She told Adam that Uncle Jimmy was his real father. Adam was so angry.  He allowed Uncle Jimmy to save Arielle, but he would not to speak to him. Uncle Jimmy saved Arielle's life, but doing so left him weakened.  Uncle Jimmy died and Adam was devastated.

Dodoba - Through the Ages

When Evangeline was 2 she carried around a large green M&M made out of tin.  She would rub it under each of her little armpits, and called this giant green candy shaped container a "dodoba".  We soon figured this was her word for deodorant.

She stopped carrying it around after a half year or so, but still picked it up from time to time and rubbed it under her little "pits", after doing so she would ask you to smell them.

By the time she was almost four she knew the word deodorant, and could point the deodorant out in the bathroom, but she was still calling the chipped, dented green tin M&M her dodoba, and still rubbing it like deodorant under her arms.

Most recently -

Evangeline (seriously): Nana, do your pits stink?

Nana: No!

Evangeline: Do you have deodorant on?

Nana: Yes!

Evangeline: Okay.  Can I lay in you pits?

Nana (pulling Evangeline in for a snuggle): I guess so.

Evangeline: My dad's pits are stink!

(Nana bursts into laughter.)

Evangeline's Dream Job

Evangeline: I'm gonna have 5 jobs when I grow up.

Me: You are?!

Evangeline (matter-of-factly): Yup. I'm gonna have a candy one, and a gummy one, and a fruity one, and snacky one, and a shave-icy one.

Adam: Sounds like she's gonna own a crack seed store.

A preference for skinny jeans.

Instead of buying her the leggings I usually buy, I bought Evangeline a few pairs of yoga pants...

Evangeline: Mom, I don't like these pants! They are so tippy!
Me: Tippy?
Evangeline: Yes, they are tippy! See, tip, tip, tip! (Evangeline pulls the wide legged cuff of her pants to and fro.) They are tippy!

1st lesson on heartache, or is that just chest pain?

Evangeline: My heart hurts.
Me: Howcome your heart hurts?
Evangeline: Because somebody bent it.

Addicted.

Make-Up Wishlist
MAC Eyeshadow - Malt
MAC Eyeshadow - Symmetry
MAC Eyeshadow - Black Tied
MAC Eyeshadow - Tempting
MAC Eyeshadow - Beauty Marked
MAC Eyeshadow - Naked Lunch
MAC Eyeshadow - Brulee
MAC Eyeshadow - Honey Lust
MAC Eyeshadow - Shroom
MAC Eyeshadow - Satin Taupe
MAC Powder Shadow - Gana
MAC Pigment - Fairylight
MAC Pigment - Dark Soul
MAC Pigment - Reflects Gold
MAC Pigment - Reflects Antique Gold
MAC Fluidline - Blacktrack
MAC Glitter - Reflects Gold
MAC Lipglass - Fine China
MAC Lipglass - Oh Baby!
MAC Cream Color Base - Luna
MAC Paint Pot - Soft Ochre
MAC Paint Pot - Bare Study
NARS - Orgasm and Laguna
Urban Decay - The Nakeds Pallette - GOT IT!
Urban Decay Stardust Eye Shadow - Space Cowboy
Lorac - TANtalizer Baked Bronzer
Bobbi Brown - Apricot Shimmer Brick Compact

Delete.

I hate the word "super", and I'm going to make a conscious effort not to say it.

Recently I heard someone use it a few too many times in a conversation, well truthfully it was an argument, and she sounded so stupid. I listened to her go on and on, and suddenly I saw her for exactly what she was, a ditz, a "valley girl" so to speak, a lower-middle class nobody. "I am SUPER mad at you." "I think you are SUPER rude." "I am so SUPER pissed right now." (As if the "super" wasn't emphatic enough, she had to add the "so".) Couldn't she think of another word? She could have used any number of other words in place of super, or even omitted it entirely and still have gotten her point across.

It became clear to me that in her life had she shown more interest in intellectual development, and personal accomplishment, and put less emphasis on personal appearance, and social status she might have gotten more out of the private school education that her dad had practically sold his soul to pay for.

A Punahou education wasted, and a perfectly good word ruined.

What IS the point?

I was scolding Evangeline in the car the other day, Adam chimed in to add in his two cents, and Evan cut him off before he could even finish, "HeLLO-OH?! That's not the point dad!" I told her she could not talk to her dad that way, but I should have been more stern with her. I could barely keep a straight face though, I mean, where does she pick this stuff up? She's only 3! I can't even remember what I was lecturing her about to start with. My God, what will she be like when she's 15? Sassy girl!

The Story of Adam and Eve, as told by a 3 year old

Evangeline: Mom, you know God?
Me: (That's loaded I thought, but I knew where she was headed. I knew she was setting me up to tell me something about God, not asking if I had a relationship with Him) Yeah, what about Him?
Evangeline: You know Adam and Eve?
Me: Uh huh.
Evangeline: Adam and Eve didn't listen to God. God told them not to eat the fruit, and Eve ate the apple. God was mad at them. Eve was crying. They were so busted, yeah mom? They had to go on a long time out.

Folks I know

A lady called Impetuous - hotheaded: characterized by undue haste and lack of thought or deliberation

A boy named Supercilious - disdainful: having or showing arrogant superiority to and disdain of those one views as unworthy