Cast of Characters in the Life of Evangeline

Lauren - the blue pony with the purple hair, she is "magical and beautiful"
Chocolate Cookie - tan bunny
Chocolate Peanut Butter Cookie - orange elephant

Riase - imaginary sister, age 4
Aunty Ku'i - Riase's mom
Uncle Tree - Riase's dad
Sour - Riase's little sister

Other notes: Riase's family lives on an island. Evan sometimes "talks" to Riase on the phone. Sometimes Evan uses Riase as her excuse, for example, "I need 2 cookies, one for Riase." Or "Riase's mom says she doesn't have to go to bed." She told me one night that Riase's mom wouldn't let her see Riase anymore. Evan was devastated - crumpled on the bed, sobbing. I told her to talk to Riase's mom, and tell her that she really loves Riase, and that she wants to spend time with her. The next morning she told me everything was going to be ok, and that she could see Riase again. Riase is a friend Evan "communicates" with, or talks about on a daily basis.

Why so serious?

Evangeline (very seriously): Look at my face Dad, does it look like I'm laughing?

Adam (while suppressing a laugh): I'm sorry Evan, it's not funny.

Evangeline (to Adam, with a scolding tone): You think it's funny when someone loses something?

Emmaline struggles to control her giggling.

Evangeline (to Emmaline): Mom, it's not nice to laugh at people.

Ahi Katsu

I just lied to my daughter. Our goldfish died this morning. Adam removed him from the tank, and I buried him. I thought I could replace him before she'd even notice. This afternoon she came to my room, "Mommy, you have to look at something; Ahi Katsu is gone". I had to think fast. "Remember in Nemo, when Nemo left the tank to find his dad?", I asked her, "I think Ahi Katsu went to find his dad."

It's bedtime now and she's asking if he's coming back. Do I get her a new fish and tell her it's Ahi Katsu? Or do I tell her he's not coming back and offer her a new fish? Or surprise her with a new fish? Or tell her the truth?

Just the other day she told Adam, "Daddy I hope you don't get dead. If you get dead I'm going to be really sad".

Recently she saw someone pick a dead bird up off the road and dump it in the trash and she was mortified. "Why didn't Uncle put the birdie back in the nest with his mommy" she asked me. I changed the subject. I know , I know, I'm a coward, but she just turned 4 a few days ago.

I'm not good with death, and I'm not ready to have this conversation with her. Despite the things she's said, I don't think she really as any concept of what death is. This is a tough one.

A lesson in kindness

Evangeline (to our cat Rufus): Rufus we don't eat lizards. That's no very friendly. You have to be kindly to them.
Evangeline (to me): Rufus can't eat the baby lizard or else his mommy is gonna be so sad that he got eaten.

Damn cat

Evangeline: Stop irritating me! You're driving me nuts. Ugh! Rufus is making me crazy!

Age 3, 12/25/2010

Goodnight Thunder

Thunder makes me sleepy and laugh and sparkle and sprinkles.

Cast of Characters starring in the Life of Evangeline

Imaginary sister named Koma.
Imaginary brother named Em.

Plush dolly in a pink dress called Molly.
Plush Hello Kitty called Mary.
Plush Hello Kitty with a mermaid tail called Eela.
Tiny bean bag rotweiller called Hani.
White plush lamb called Kimni Lam.

Assorted imaginary cousins (unnamed).

Not a chance

December 6, 2010

It's Christmastime, and I've dragged Evangeline on countless shopping excursions with me this season.  She's been a good sport, exhibiting patience and restraint.  Everywhere we've gone she wants something - Hello Kitty this, lip gloss that, or some other pink something or other.  Each time she asks for something I've explained that we have to wait to see what Santa will bring.  She is clearly disappointed, but thankfully she doesn't usually continue push.

We were at our last stop this past weekend.  It was already late in the afternoon, and I could see Evan was worn out.  As we entered the store she didn't perk up, as she usually does.  We passed the purses, and she didn't even reach for one.  We trudged forward., and just as we passed the bathing suits she stopped hard, and doubled back.  I spun around and saw her staring at the bathing suits.

"Mommy, can I have this one," she asked nicely.

"I'm sorry Evan, I've already told you...  Santa is coming soon.  Maybe Santa will bring you a bathing suit."

"But Mom!  Pleeeease!"

"No Evan.  Not today!"

I walked away from the bathing suits.  Evan followed me reluctantly.

"I'm sorry babe, I know you're tired, " I tried to soothe her.  "Hold Mommy's hand, " I said, as I reached for her.

"Not a chance," she spat, and folded her arms.

Good God, if she is like this at 3, what will she be like at 16?

Dodoba - Through the Ages

When Evangeline was 2 she carried around a large green M&M made out of tin.  She would rub it under each of her little armpits, and called this giant green candy shaped container a "dodoba".  We soon figured this was her word for deodorant.

She stopped carrying it around after a half year or so, but still picked it up from time to time and rubbed it under her little "pits", after doing so she would ask you to smell them.

By the time she was almost four she knew the word deodorant, and could point the deodorant out in the bathroom, but she was still calling the chipped, dented green tin M&M her dodoba, and still rubbing it like deodorant under her arms.

Most recently -

Evangeline (seriously): Nana, do your pits stink?

Nana: No!

Evangeline: Do you have deodorant on?

Nana: Yes!

Evangeline: Okay.  Can I lay in you pits?

Nana (pulling Evangeline in for a snuggle): I guess so.

Evangeline: My dad's pits are stink!

(Nana bursts into laughter.)

Evangeline's Dream Job

Evangeline: I'm gonna have 5 jobs when I grow up.

Me: You are?!

Evangeline (matter-of-factly): Yup. I'm gonna have a candy one, and a gummy one, and a fruity one, and snacky one, and a shave-icy one.

Adam: Sounds like she's gonna own a crack seed store.

A preference for skinny jeans.

Instead of buying her the leggings I usually buy, I bought Evangeline a few pairs of yoga pants...

Evangeline: Mom, I don't like these pants! They are so tippy!
Me: Tippy?
Evangeline: Yes, they are tippy! See, tip, tip, tip! (Evangeline pulls the wide legged cuff of her pants to and fro.) They are tippy!

1st lesson on heartache, or is that just chest pain?

Evangeline: My heart hurts.
Me: Howcome your heart hurts?
Evangeline: Because somebody bent it.

What IS the point?

I was scolding Evangeline in the car the other day, Adam chimed in to add in his two cents, and Evan cut him off before he could even finish, "HeLLO-OH?! That's not the point dad!" I told her she could not talk to her dad that way, but I should have been more stern with her. I could barely keep a straight face though, I mean, where does she pick this stuff up? She's only 3! I can't even remember what I was lecturing her about to start with. My God, what will she be like when she's 15? Sassy girl!

The Story of Adam and Eve, as told by a 3 year old

Evangeline: Mom, you know God?
Me: (That's loaded I thought, but I knew where she was headed. I knew she was setting me up to tell me something about God, not asking if I had a relationship with Him) Yeah, what about Him?
Evangeline: You know Adam and Eve?
Me: Uh huh.
Evangeline: Adam and Eve didn't listen to God. God told them not to eat the fruit, and Eve ate the apple. God was mad at them. Eve was crying. They were so busted, yeah mom? They had to go on a long time out.

Uncle Andrew, May You Rest In Peace

We pulled into the funeral home parking lot. Evangeline began to cry softly. "Papa is very sad", she said. "Today is a sad day", I told her. We got out of the car, and she kissed my dad hello. My dad stayed behind to finish his cigarette, while Evan and I approached the front entrance. "Everyone will cry today", she told me. We sat at the back of the room, I didn't want Evan to see the body. She asked me why we were there. I told her we came to pray. My dad came in quietly. He didn't look at us. He walked to the casket. The rest of the family hadn't arrived. My dad stood alone with his uncle's coffin. He turned to us, his eyes red, his face wet with tears. He wiped his face. He walked to the first row of chairs, and sat down. "Is this Papa's test", Evan asked me in a whisper. "Test?", I asked her. She repeated her question, "Is this Papa's test"? I shrugged. I had no idea what she meant, no idea what she was asking me. She looked across the room at my dad. "Today is Papa's bad dream", she told me. Family and friends arrived and began to file in. The room filled quickly. "It's so cold in here Mommy", Evan told me. It had to be over 85 degrees outside, and with the doors left open the funeral parlor was warm. I wrapped my arm tightly around her shoulders. "I'll keep you warm", I promised. The service was nice. People stood to say kind words about the deceased. My dad cried off and on throughout. Evan patted his shoulder lovingly in an effort to comfort him. At times she rested her hand on his arm. "Mommy, we are going to need lots of Hello Kitty after this", she said seriously.

My own flesh

Saturday, June 25, 2010

I had the strangest dream last night. The dream seemed to span the course of a day. We were at Jeff and Amber's house doing many things but nothing in particular. We played in the pool, we spent time with the baby, I ordered cosmetics from Amber, and I helped her mom make dinner. We were preparing to celebrate the one month anniversary of Mahina's birth. Night was approaching, we were sitting on their living room floor, Adam was having a beer. Something knocked the beer over. I say "something" because no one touched it, no one was touching the little table that it sat upon. Something bumped into me, bumped into Adam, bumped into Evangeline. We were speechless, shocked. I was bumped again, this time harder. Adam too. Evangeline was struck hard, knocked flat to the floor from her seated position. We were standing now, Adam grabbed Evangeline and pushed her to me. She clung to me and I held her tight. Something was pulling her away from me. I could see her hair being yanked. I pulled her to me with my left arm, and with my right hand I grabbed at what I couldn't see. I lunged forward intending to smash into it with my head and rip into it wit my teeth. I cried out and woke up. My own hand was in my mouth, my teeth digging into my own flesh.

Motherhood 101

Evangeline climbs onto my bed and crawls into my lap. She wraps her arms around my neck and says, "You are the best mom. I'm going to be just like you when I grow up". My heart swells. "You are?! Oh honey, that's so sweet. Thank you", I tell her. She looks up at my face and smiles, "Yup, I'm gonna grow taller, and have boobs, and I'm gonna scold everybody!" "Do I scold everybody", I ask her. "Yup," she says, "that's what mom's do".

You heard it hear folks, that's all there is to being a mother - tall, boobs, and scold everyone.

Sheesh.

You by Airto

(Background: My 3 year old daughter Evangeline has an iPod Touch. I loaded it with kid stuff - Sesame Street videos, songs from Annie, etc. Somehow some of my music and videos transferred over as well. It was the entire set of OneEskimo videos, and an Airto video specifically. Thankfully both OneEskimo and Airto are kid friendly. In fact, the OneEskimo videos are animated, though the premise of the series is quite tragic. Airto is a soul singer from the Netherlands made popular by YouTube.)

Evangeline is sitting on the couch poking at the screen of her pink bedazzled iTouch.

"Do you want to listen to Elmo, or the Eskimo, or my uncle?", she asks. She gives me no opportunity to respond. "Listen to my uncle.", she says, "Isn't he amazing?"



I love this song. Apparently Evan does too. Though I don't know where she got the "uncle" part from.

Where is Popo?

Saturday, May 29, 2010

We spent the evening at GG's mom's house. We arrived late, at 7:30, or so. Evangeline sat on Nana's lap for most of the time that we were there. She ate popcorn and drank cranberry juice. Adam fumbled punchlines, and drank too many beers. I enjoyed the fresh laulau's, and talked story with my mom (Nana). It was an pleasant, if not uneventful night. It was well after 10 when we got ready to leave. Nana carried Evangeline to the car. I slid behind the steering wheel. Adam buckled himself in to the passenger seat. As Nana strapped Evan into her carseat Evan asked, "Where's Popo"? "Who's Popo", Nana asked. Evan shrugged. My daughter and her made up words, and her imaginary friends. I thought nothing of it. We said our goodbyes and made our way home.

Mom called the the next morning to ask if we knew anyone called Popo. We do not. Mom says GG's gramma was called Popo and that her home once stood in the empty spot where we had been parked the night before. Maybe it was coincidence, but it was peculiar that Evangeline would say that name, at that moment, in that spot.

It's a boy

Saturday, May 29, 2010

(As we pull into the Kmart parking lot)

Evangeline: Mommy what are we doing here?

Me: I just need to look at the bathroom rugs. They're on sale.

Evangeline: Are we going to buy clothes for the baby?

Me: We don't have a baby.

Evangeline: You have a baby in your tummy.

Me: No I don't.

Evangeline: Yes you do. It's a boy.

Earlier that week Evan woke up early. She asked me where the boy baby was. Her exact words, "Where is your boy baby". I thought nothing of it. She must have had a dream...


Sunday, June 6, 2010

I am 9 days late.